Life at a Juncture

Everyone, sometime or the other, comes across a phase in life which could be called as the most defining moment of their life. I believe I am currently going through that phase. I have been working on a project since almost three years and now it is going to end at the end of this month. To be honest, I dont know what I am going to do next. So far in my life I have only been unemployed once, I started working part-time while in the University. The very thought of becoming unemployed in the next few days is terrifying me to no end. It has been stressful to say the least. My way of reacting things has changed, situations where I would usually be calm, I now get panicked or snap too soon. The options currently in front of me are few. I could either chose to seek employment here in India or go on a 6 month sabbatical and study for my MBA exams.

To be honest, I don’t think staying unemployed is going to be a very good idea since I do have to support my family, plus need to save enough to go to the grad school. At the same time, if I chose employment here, there is no way any of the companies will match my existing (soon to expire) offer. At the most, I could get is companies matching around 70% of current offer. The reason I don’t want to have a reduction in salary is because I have to manage some of investments I have and also to keep repaying the student loans etc. But the way it is right now, I don’t see any other option but to take a cut in salary and keep working.

The other option that I am working towards is giving my GMAT and apply to MBA schools. The only problem I have here is that I don’t believe I have saved enough to cover my tuition and living costs to wherever I apply. Also this would mean I cant work any more and thus have no way to support my family. This makes me realize that I should have planned for long term. If I had decided two-three years ago that when this project ends, I want to go for a MBA, I could have saved enough to attend any school I wanted. All this makes me feel like I am a big loser.

Sometimes I dont really like such instability in my life. I have worked very hard to get to where I am but at the same time I feel I am not good enough, especially when things like this come into the picture of life. At this point in life, I am just not sure where I should be heading next.