I was asked this question yesterday and I replied “Yes, I dont think I will have problems, as long as she does not cheat on me.” So to this he said, “How can you accept a woman who has slept with another man?” I didn’t have a proper answer to that question. May be it was because I have stayed in the US for so long or may be because I dont look at someone’s past. But the entire conversation got me thinking, why is virginity so important? Why do people put so much emphasis that their life partner be a virgin? I asked a friend of mine the same question and this is how the conversation went:
Me: Would you have accepted A, if he said he was not a virgin?
Her: Hmmm
Her: Good question
Her: No
Me: why?
Her: Just No
Me: So you would reject him just because he slept with someone b4 u..but even though he loves u, cares for u and is really a nice person??
Her: Yes
Her: Definitely
Her: I just dont approve of this sleeping around business
Her: Guys just have one thing on their mind, when it comes to a relationship
Her: So if he (any guy) has slept with a girl..then he should go and love that girl and care for her
Me: Suppose he happened to be a in relationship, things happened but after that things didnt work out and they break up
Her: I dont approve of this
Her: AT ALL
Me: So why do you think virginity is so important?
Her: Because sex is not a game.
Her: It is pure and involves a lot of emotional bonding.
Me: True
This got me even more thinking.. what is it that makes it so hard to accept someone who has slept with someone else before? Desperately seeking answers..
My thoughts...My story 
Well the topic of your post got me thinking…& I agree with your friend…there is alot of emotional bonding involved…I treat this is as a serious issue…I might sound old n wierd n amma..but whatever it is even I wud not approve of sex before marriage….Yeah maybe all this is no big deal for you..spent quite sometime in the US…But I have heard about/met ppl in other foriegn countries who prefer not having a sexual relationship before marriage..So Guess its a personal choice/decision….
Recently I saw a series on NTDV which covered Sex & Drugs in Call Centers…so all this is prevalent in our society….just that its still to some extent behind curtains and ppl dont want to accept this fact…am digressing from the topic..neways…
I sorta think like the girl. But if i trust the person then i probably won’t mind her past. 🙂… or maybe havas is yet to take over my body 😉
Pre-marital sex is unacceptable. It doesn’t matter what time period we may be in, or what type of society we live in. Marriage is basically a license, if I may… As you are not permitted to drive without a license, so is the same with mating. I agree with the girl you spoke with. Sex is not a game, as it is looked at here in the Western world (even in India, it is like a game now adays). Moreover, our body is not a tool to be used for sex.
Interesting post.Coming from a conservative Buddhist/Hindu family, I was brought up to believe that being a virgin until marriage is very imp. I think it’s true cos there’s a certain element of morality in that. Cos being a virgin b4 marriage means he/she has could control certain urges and could wait for the right one. Our cultures value that. Having said all that, now that I have been living in Aus for a long time, my views on it has changed. Cos I see ppl accepting others for who they r, not for some biological aspect that they have. Cos what matters is if ur partner is compatible with u and that person has a good heart. Nothing else matters.**Because sex is not a game.Her: It is pure and involves a lot of emotional bonding.Ur friend is right. But what she forgot to think abt is that same emotional bonding can happen between 2 ppl who love each other…and it doesnt and cant always wait for something called ‘marriage’.Keshi.
I think its matter of personal choice. n this choice is heavily influnced by the culture we live in. Indian society doesnt approve of it. Western world accepts it. so who is right ? Past is history.
nice to be back in the blog world.. 🙂
Posted my thoughts on Virginity a while back here:http://www.thevoiceinmyhead.com/2005/12/01/virginity/Am very very Pro-Virginity. But I summed up saying –<>I also believe that in today’s world it’s ridiculous to expect everyone to be virgins. Thus I am fully prepared for the fact that my future husband may not have “saved himself” for me. That doesn’t matter in the least bit to me..What ultimately matters is, that the past remain in the past. That commitment is true. And that love is real.So what am I really saying here – am I pro-virginity or not? Definetely I’m pro-virginity (it is a Divine law for us Catholics & Christians) but what I’m saying is that if you’re a virgin: praise God! Don’t try to lose it. And if you’re not: praise God! don’t give away yourself anymore.”<>As you can imagine, got a varied set of responses to that post, lol.
@Mehak, I think it is individual choice. I dont think just because you have had sex before marriage makes you a person with bad or wrong character.@Wignes.. buhahah@Anonymous, marriage is not a license to have sex. @Keshi, our culture values virginity. But I think it is also important not to place too much emphasis on it. Like you said, relationship is more about trust, understanding and compatibility.@Richa.. welcome back.@Melody, I totally agree with you on the fact that what matters is past remains past and the committment and love are for real.
Hey Mr…whoses talking about good/bad character here??? huh??